Obviously there are more keys to success than these three. And depending on who you talk to there are bound to be even more. The point is, success means different things to different people, so achieving it is a highly subjective pursuit. The list that follows then is what has worked for me. If you’re self employed, they may work for you too.
Accountability
When you work for a boss, a manager or a supervisor, you will be held accountable whether you like it or not. Just fail to execute a task and you will become painfully aware of that. But what if you’re accountable to yourself? What happens if you miss a deadline or simply don’t do something you told yourself you would do. Then what?
Quick story. Back in the late 80’s I decided to try my hand at stand up comedy. I worked with a drama coach who critiqued my act and helped me prepare a killer 5 minute set. About three months in, she looked at me when our hour was over and said, “You’re ready. The only thing left now is to just go do it.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Really,” she answered.
I headed toward the door determined to take the stage the following Sunday. I was pumped. But just before the door slammed shut behind me, my coach shouted, “Come back here. There’s one more thing.”
“Here’s how this is going to go,” she said. “You’re going to write me a check for one hundred dollars. If you go through with your act, I will return it. If you chicken out, I will cash it. Okay?”
She isn’t going to let me escape. “Okay,” I said, very reluctantly.
Me on stage at Stitches Comedy Club, circa 1989.
Fast forward to the following Sunday. I’m at Stitches Comedy Club on Commonwealth Avenue. Wall to wall people. I’ve never seen it this packed. There are video cameras everywhere. Steve Sweeney, the Dean of Boston comedy is plying the room yukking it up with the expectant crowd. I check the sign up sheet. I slowly move my finger down the list desperately hoping my name won’t be on it. It is. Seventh. At the sight of my name the butterflies in my stomach erupt into a frenzy flapping their wings furiously. I run to the bathroom. It doesn’t help. One by one the comedians do their five minute acts. I take another look at the list. I’m next. In full panic mode I head for the door when a thought hits me. I can’t afford to lose a hundred bucks.
Then I hear, ” Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for a newcomer here at Stitches, Marvin Kane.”
I’m on the stage. I look at the crowd. I can’t see anyone past the bright stage lights. The room is silent. I tell my first joke. Laughter. Lots of laughter.
The next day I visit my coach to collect my check.
Accountability. If you find it difficult being accountable to yourself, work with a friend, a relative, anyone who you can be accountable to. It’s human nature to not want to disappoint people. Try it. It works.
Discipline
Whether you’re a writer, a designer, a plumber, a lawyer or an athlete, you need discipline to succeed. The good news is that discipline is yours. You own it. If you’re getting out of bed at 5am to run five miles as part of your training for a marathon, you can’t blame anyone else if you don’t do it. Here is dictionary.com’s definition:
dis • ci • pline – activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training.
When you work for a boss you don’t need discipline to get your work done. That’s because you know you’ll get fired if you don’t. Don’t get me wrong, most well intentioned people will get their work done because it’s the right thing to do. But still, the knowledge that you will lose your job if you don’t is a pretty strong motivator. But how do you maintain discipline if you’re the boss and the threat of being fired isn’t there?
First of all, understand that all discipline is self discipline. Unless you’re in the army, no one can impose discipline on you. Not really. What works for me is thinking of the consequences of not being disciplined. Will I fall behind? Will my competition fly past me? Will I fail to deliver on a promise? Will I look bad (that’s a big one for me)? Will I lose money? Will my reputation suffer? See where I’m going? Make a list of all the things that can happen if you’re not disciplined. Your behavior will change. I promise.
Reward
Ah, reward. My favorite part of the three legged stool. What I like to do is set small, achievable daily goals, hold myself accountable (actually it’s my business coach that holds me accountable) and maintain the discipline to accomplish them. At the end of the day I count up my wins (sometimes there is only one). Then I reward myself. The reward can be anything. You decide. The more you practice the accountability-discipline-reward pattern, the easier it will become. Before too long success will become a habit.
And Now Back to You
If you’re self employed, how do you get your work done? For some people, discipline comes easy. I’m not one of them. Are you? Do you have a routine that works well for you? I’d love to hear about it.
Iam learning to accept the truth regardless of its source. It’s hard. After all, the truth, as we’ve heard too many times, hurts. But how could it? Why should it? Here’s what I think. It’s not the truth that hurts at all but rather the manner in which it’s first revealed – its source. Maybe you’re in the midst of a heated argument with a friend/spouse/co-worker when he/she angrily spews out some vitriol that you know contains some element of truth about yourself. Or maybe an unhappy client is taking you to task for poor customer service. Or perhaps a competitor has exposed, very publicly, some of your weaknesses. In each of these scenarios, and in countless others, truth lurks, daring us to find it.
Take a Deep Breath
This is how it usually goes for me. First I get angry. I rant and rave (in my head of course), plot revenge, blame someone (not myself of course), make excuses, remain angry, calm down (only a little) then, with a pretty much ruined attitude, continue with my day. Later, much later, when the world is quieter, I sit down, take a deep breath and ask myself this question: “Was there truth in what was said to you or about you today?” Here’s the hard part. The answer is almost always yes. Now I need to painfully pull the nuggets of truth, one by one, from the mass of hurt. Ouch! Worth the effort? You bet! Truth hurts. But it’s a good hurt.
What is Truth Anyway?
A while back I blogged about success and asked how you define it. Okay amateur philosophers, ready? What is truth? From whatistruth.org, here are some of my favorites:
The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. Herbert Agar
Not being known doesn’t stop the truth from being true. Richard Bach
You never find yourself until you face the truth. Pearl Bailey
A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. William Blake
Truth, of course, must of necessity be stranger than fiction; for we have made fiction to suit ourselves. G. K. Chesterton
Here is another take on the truth … the famous “You Can’t Handle the Truth” speech from A Few Good Men delivered as only Jack Nicholson could. Enjoy.
Now Back to You
How do you handle difficult truths about yourself? Are you able to accept them? Is your process anything like mine? If you’ve got a better way I’d love to hear about it. Talk to me.
Ihave a habit of taking on more work than I should. There, I’ve said it. I don’t think I’m a masochist. I just have a hard time saying no. This is not all bad. It certainly forces me to be more organized and efficient. But as deadlines loom, I begin envying those people who thrive on four hours sleep a night. You know who you are. Really, I wish I was one of you. I’m not. And it’s not an age thing. I couldn’t do it when I was 20 years old either (although I did it anyway). To be clear, I am not a workaholic. At least I don’t think I am. It’s just that I will, for stretches of time, fill my plate with enormous portions of work. I generally don’t realize what I’ve committed to until I see the telltale signs:
I want to throw something at the phone every time it rings (how dare they interrupt me)
I forget to eat (what is that annoying growling in my stomach?)
I’m completely unaware of the time (you’re kidding, it can’t be 5 o’clock)
I forget to take out the trash (I’ll do it next week)
I forget I have dogs (what is that smell?)
I realize I’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days (what is that smell?)
It’s About Feeling Worthy
Hello! Anybody in there?
So why do I do it? Well there’s the money. But that’s not it. It’s more about this: each time a client hires me I hear the Sally Fields quote playing in my head. “You like me. You really like me.” I don’t know about you but I like to be liked. It’s very validating. It’s just that it may not be such a good idea for too many clients to like me at the same time. But in the adrenaline rush that always accompanies signing on a new client, I forget that the number of hours in a day does not expand in proportion to how much work you have to get done. Something on my personal to do list ends up not getting done. Someone in my life ends up feeling neglected. During one of my work marathons it’s not uncommon for me to emerge from my office to find that Darla (Yorkshire Terrier number two) has left me a token of her displeasure at being ignored. Ooops!
It Still Has to be About Quality
I take enormous pride in how I do what I do. Integrity demands that. So while there are countless opportunities to cut corners, to take the easy way out in ways that no one will ever know, I won’t go there. That’s why all my clients speak well of me. (Okay, maybe not all but certainly most). And that’s why, no matter how much is on my plate, I will never sacrifice quality. That’s also the reason I occasionally end up looking like the photo at the top of the page. Scary isn’t it?
Why Am I Telling You All of This?
I am committed to blogging as least once a week no matter what. Even if I’m in one of my “how the heck am I going to get all this done” periods. It’s important to me. It’s also important that whatever I put out there in the world is an honest expression of me. I don’t have a public and a private voice. I have one voice. My voice. So rather than scuffling to find a topic this week, I thought why not just simply share what I’m actually feeling. I’m guessing there are some of you out there who every now and then experience the same thing. It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up.
And Now Back to You
Do you commit to more than you can do? If so, how do you handle it? If you’re one of those “I only need four hours of sleep” types, I’d love to hear from you. If you’ve got a routine or a technique for getting through these periods of high work volume, can you share it? Talk to me.
Success – what is it? Everyone, it seems, has a definition – literally everyone. What I know for sure is that it’s elusive, impossible to define, very subjective and something everyone wants. Curious about what others had to say, I visited the Brainy Quote website. Here, in no particular order, are some of my favorites:
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” David Brinkley
How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?” Logan P. Smith
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.” Erma Bombeck
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.” Arnold H. Glasow
The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” John Foster Dulles
These next two are my favorites. The Shirley Jones quote because it’s funny (I like funny) and the Tennessee Williams quote because …. well just because.
After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise.” Shirley Jones
Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it… Success is shy – it won’t come out while you’re watching.” Tennessee Williams
Yes, it’s Personal. Very Personal
As you can see, everyone has their own take on success. It’s a moving target. Not only does it look different to different people, it looks different at different stages in your life. It certainly doesn’t look the same to me as it did thirty years ago. Let me digress for a moment. I belong to several professional networking organizations and local chambers of commerce. These memberships give me access to hundreds of business people. From plumbers to attorneys and every conceivable profession in between, I can always find someone I know, like and trust enough to refer to one of my clients. At a recent business expo, I met Chris Gilbert, a video production veteran with a great idea – capturing the essence of a business in a one minute video. I immediately recognized an opportunity. I referred Chris to one of my clients. They connected and Chris was hired. I was so happy when he called to thank me for the referral. But it was more than just happy. It was a deep feeling of satisfaction – a sort of pervasive contentment that just made me smile inside. My definition of success had changed again. So here it is:
I am successful to the extent that I can contribute to the success of others.
Now Back to You
Do you consider yourself a success? If not, have you thought much about it? If you could wake up tomorrow morning and suddenly be successful, what would that look like? Is it about money? Is it about having choices? Has the idea of success changed for you over the years? Talk to me.
