Tom Gould, Peabody City Councilor and owner of Treadwells Ice Cream
Tom Gould enriches lives. It’s that simple. If you’re lucky enough to know him then you know what I mean. He is one of those rare individuals who genuinely cares about people. And people care back. When he told me in January, 2011 that he was going to run for one of the at-large city council seats in Peabody, the northern suburb of Boston where he lives and works, I thought “perfect”. Apparently the vast majority of Peabody voters felt the same way. At his official kickoff party last May, Tom drew an astounding 700 enthusiastic supporters. When the votes were counted last November, the Salem News reported that not only did Tom win a seat on the city council, he topped the ticket with 9,012 votes, outpacing the four incumbents in the process. No one in Peabody was surprised.
Putting Others First
Tom with a cancer patient at Mass General/North Shore Cancer Center in Danvers, Mass.
Tom’s gift is putting others first. He once told me that although he loves his work at Treadwell’s, the legendary ice cream store he has owned in Peabody since 1999, it’s the opportunity to serve the community that he finds most gratifying. His service does not go unnoticed. Each year, Mass General honors 100 individuals and groups for their diverse contributions to the fight against cancer. This year, Tom Gould has been chosen as one of the honorees.
“We are proud of the customer loyalty we have developed over the years – but what motivates us the most is the opportunity to give back to the community.” — Tom Gould
On a Personal Note
Treadwells Ice Cream is something of a phenomenon. It’s open all year long and despite what common sense may suggest, you are as likely to wait in line on a blustery Saturday in February as on a blistering Sunday in August. But it’s more than the ice cream that draws people. It’s knowing that Tom will ask you about your family, your job, your health, your life. And its knowing that he will listen to your answers. Through the years many young men and women have worked for Tom and his wife Sharon serving up ice cream to locals and bemused tourists. My daughter was one of them. From the beginning he saw her basic goodness and value as a human being. He was patient, kind, generous and interested in what she had to say. That’s Tom’s special gift. He’s that way with everyone. I remember listening to conversations between my parents and grandparents when I was kid growing up in Brooklyn. When the talk turned to members of our community it was clear to me, though I didn’t yet know what the word meant, that the highest compliment was to be called a Mensch1. Tom Gould is a Mensch!
And Now Back to You
I have written about someone I know personally. If you were writing this post, who would you write it about? What are the qualities that make someone worth knowing?
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1. Mensch: a German derived Yiddish word originally meaning “human being.” A person of integrity and honor; “a stand-up guy”; someone who does the right thing.
Want to really be social? Spend more time away from your computer.
This is not a picture of me. The point is, it could be. Ironic isn’t it? Here I am, a web designer/social media maven/blogger and I came to the sudden and startling realization that I’m spending too much time at my computer. Further introspection has revealed that I may also be suffering from NPWYP syndrome. (That’s Not Practicing What You Preach). And here is where my Baby Boomer perspective kicks in.
Being Social Is Still About In Person Connections
What I love about today’s internet is the ease with which people can connect. It’s been fun rekindling relationships on Facebook and finding old friends on LinkedIn. But we boomers have always been a bit cynical about online relationships. Back in the day there was no such thing. Personal relationships were forged by looking someone in the eye when you spoke to them, shaking hands when you met or said goodbye and …. well you know what I’m talking about. Don’t misunderstand. This is not a case of some old guy pining for the good old days. I’m simply saying that an active online social life should add richness to your offline (real) social life not be a substitute for it. Let me put it another way. If you spend hours each day at your computer tweeting, blogging, facebooking, google plussing, (yes, I’m making up words here), you are not being social. You are being anti-social.
You Really Need to Get Out More
Back to me. Why am I guilty of not practicing what I preach? Because I’m starting to feel like the guy in the picture. I’m working hard at building my online relationships but not hard enough on the real ones. I need to get out more. I need to join more groups, meet more people, attend more events, look into more eyes and shake more hands.
And Now Back to You
Do you think of yourself as a social person? How about this one – do you like people? Do you use social media tools to build online relationships? Do you look like the guy in the picture? Be honest.
My friend often complains about his boss. The complaints are not about workload, hours or responsibilities. Mostly they’re about feeling under appreciated. This got me thinking. So I asked around and in an admittedly small sample size my very unofficial poll confirmed what I already knew. Employees want to feel valued. Simple. Although you can’t see it, everyone of us has a sign on our backs. The sign says “be nice to me.” This is a very basic human trait. It is NOT a weakness. Why then do bosses, managers and supervisors not get it?
You Get More With Honey Than With Vinegar
Have you heard that one? It’s true. It seems to me that bosses are afraid to show empathy because they believe, wrongly, that doing so will erode their authority. It won’t! It will make you seem human, which you are. Sure, you’re the boss. Your employees have to do what you say. After all, you hold a very sharp sword over their heads. You can fire them. But beware. Brandishing that sword overtly will create resentment and fear. Is that really what you want? I’m not talking about becoming everyone’s personal friend. That has its own set of problems. Here is what I am talking about:
Say please – yes, I know it’s their job to do as you ask. Say please anyway
Say thank you – yes, I know its’ their job to do as you ask. Say thank you anyway (I just said that)
Be consistent – complimenting employees today and criticizing them tomorrow sends a mixed message. If your employees never know if they’re getting the “mean boss” or the “nice boss”, they’ll hold back for fear of getting the “mean boss”.
Be sensitive – you make more money than your employees do. Don’t talk to them about your vacations to far away places (unless they ask). Chances are they can’t relate and will end up resenting you.
Praise more, criticize less – okay this one is really Human Relations 101 and we’ve all heard it countless times. Bosses/managers/supervisors listen up! You can’t praise enough! I’m guessing that if you’ve never had children, you won’t get this one.
Fear and Resentment Will Work … Temporarily
So here it is in a nutshell. The “mean boss” and the “nice boss” will both get the same results from their people. But here’s the crucial difference. One approach creates a culture of resentment and fear and the other creates a culture of mutual respect and cooperation. The first can’t last. The second can’t lose.
And Now Back to You
I really need help with this one. If you’re an employee, does this resonate for you? Have you worked for the “mean boss” or the “nice boss” or both? What was your experience? If you’re a boss, does any of this make sense to you or am I missing something?
Humor has always been my ally. I got out of a lot of jams back in Brooklyn when I was a kid by making people laugh. I remember one steamy summer night in particular. Walking home I realized a car was following me. I picked up my pace and darted into an alley. When I came out the other side the car was still there. I started to run. The car closed in. Exhausted, out of breath and with no place left to hide, I sagged to the curb. The car stopped, its headlights fixed squarely on my face. Out jumped 5 menacing kids with baseball bats. I steeled myself for the first blow when a voice yelled out “hey, aren’t you the kid who was making us laugh on the beach today”? “Yep, that’s me”, I replied. Instead of painful blows I received hearty pats on the back. See what I mean about humor being my ally? It’s been that way my entire life.
Not Everyone “Gets It”
In the late eighties I thought it was time to take comedy seriously so I started doing standup in the clubs around Boston. I soon learned a lesson that has stuck with me ever since. Not everyone gets it. Today I still consider humor the most important tool in my toolbox. It helps prospective clients let their guard down and breaks the ice. But … not everyone gets it. You see to be effective, comedy has to have context. And to understand the context you have to listen. There! That’s the secret. Listening. Not only will listening increase the odds that you’ll be funny when you’re trying to be, it will let your clients know you care. And you must care.
For another take on comedy as a sales tool, read A Funny Sales Secret on Bob Poole’s terrific website. In it, Bob talks about his good friend Walt, a very funny guy and a great salesman. What strikes me about Walt is not his sense of humor but his natural ability to make everyone in the room feel comfortable. That’s a gift. And while you’re at it, treat yourself by spending some time on Bob Poole’s website. There are many sales and marketing gurus. There is only one Bob Poole.
Closing Thoughts
These pointers are solely my opinion and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of management.
If you use humor in a sales context, understand it’s not about inflating your ego. It’s about making your client/customer/audience feel comfortable
Remember context. Before you start firing off jokes, ask questions, listen earnestly to the answers. Get the lay of the land. Then determine if humor is appropriate. It may not be.
If you’re not sure if something you’re about to say is funny, chances are it isn’t. Don’t say it.
In the same way that social media won’t work for you if you’re not a social person, humor won’t work for you if you’re not funny. (Don’t get mad at me for that one … it’s the truth).
So what do you think? Is humor an effective sales tool? Have you used it effectively? Has a sales person used it on you and did it work? I would really love some feedback on this one.
This past weekend my fellow Jews gathered in Synagogues around the world to observe Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I was not among them.
The Shofar or ram's horn. The iconic symbol of the the High Holidays.
Unlike Passover, Yom Kippur is not observed at home and is not marked by a holiday meal featuring foods rich in symbolism. It is a day of introspection, fasting and prayer spent in the Synagogue. It’s not easy. Facing our flaws, thinking about how we may have hurt others, asking for forgiveness, earnestly vowing to be better … these are not easy things. A growling stomach doesn’t make it any easier. I have gone to Synagogue every year on Yom Kippur for as long as I can remember… until this year.
Introspection and Fasting: A Personal Interpretation.
Fort Sewall, Marblehead, Massachusetts. View facing Marblehead Harbor
To be sure, the observance of Yom Kippur requires more than just introspection. It requires fasting, focused prayer, asking for forgiveness and purity of purpose. But I’ve been feeling disconnected lately (that’s a topic for its own post) so this year I did not go to Synagogue. I chose instead to focus on fasting and introspection in a personal, solitary way. I began the day with a visit to Fort Sewall in Marblehead, Massachusetts. What does Fort Sewall have to do with Yom Kippur? Nothing. But over the years, its breathtaking views of Marblehead Harbor on one side and the open ocean on the other have always quieted my mind and on this day I thought a quiet mind* would be a good thing.
*Disclaimer: My mind is never quiet. It’s just quieter at some times than at others.
Exploring the Meaning Behind the Words
Returning home I pulled two books from my book shelf; One, Jewish Literacy, the seminal work by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, subtitled The Most Important Things to Know About the Jewish Religion, Its People, and Its History and the other, Jewish Days, by Francine Klagsbrun with illustrations by Mark Podwal, subtitled A Book of Jewish Life and Culture Around the Year. As I began to read, something became very clear very quickly. Practicing religious ritual from a very early age does not guarantee that you will understand the meaning behind those rituals. That requires a voluntary act of discovery. And that, I realized, was what I was craving – understanding. To understand the meaning, the historical context, and ultimately the importance behind ritual is to reveal its power and purpose. This is not an intellectual thing. It’s a feeling. And it’s highly personal.
Wait Till Next Year
Before the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, “wait till next year” was the unofficial mantra of Red Sox Nation (yes, I am a card carrying member of Red Sox Nation). But having spent the Day of Atonement exploring the deeper meaning behind some familiar rituals, “wait till next year” has a new meaning for me. Next year I will observe Yom Kippur as I always have, in Synagogue, reciting old prayers – old prayers with new meaning.
Postscript
Admittedly, this is a topic not easily covered in 500 words. In reading it back it’s clear to me that I have only scratched the surface. My intention was to share some thoughts and hopefully stimulate conversation. Have you struggled with rituals and prayers recited by rote and devoid of meaning? How have you handled it? Has it caused you to abandon your faith community?
“My photographs are of authentic people with their emotional and physical baggage exposed.”
Jay Dorfman
Like many people, I needed a little convincing before I committed to social media. But now, a couple of years in, I’m completely hooked. Let me explain. I’ve been pretty careful about who I follow on Twitter and whose blogs I subscribe to. The reward for my diligence is that I’ve met people, heard music, seen photographs, watched videos, laughed, ruminated and generally experienced things I never would have known were out there if I wasn’t following some very creative, intelligent and generous people. So in the spirit of sharing, let me introduce you to someone you should know.
Meet Jay Dorfman
Jay Dorfman, Photographer, Film Maker, Observer of Life
Disclaimer: I have known Jay for over 45 years. We met in High School somewhere around 1965. We were band mates in a successful rock group that lived and worked in Europe in the late sixties, early seventies. He was and is one of my closest friends.
But I value my online reputation too much to use whatever reach I have to simply introduce you to my friends, though there would be nothing wrong with that. Rather, like the good people whose blogs and tweets I follow, I introduce you to Jay because knowing him and his work will enrich your life.
World Traveler, Award Winning Photojournalist
Jay has traveled to Africa, Israel, India, Cuba and Kampuchea (formerly Cambodia) and has recorded his travels in stunning images. You can explore his work in greater detail by following the links provided below:
Take some time to view Jay’s work. Am I shamelessly shilling for an old friend or is this some truly beautiful stuff? I know what I think. What about you?
Returning home I pulled two books from my book shelf; One, Jewish Literacy, the seminal work by 